Friday, September 25, 2009

Ugh...Meds or Me?

Well, if I'm not pg, and I'm not sick (I don't think) then why do I feel like crap all the time lately? I'm either cramping or feeling like I'm going to puke or so tired that I want to sleep, but (of course) sleep won't come. We're talking like, 1 or 2 am that I can finally shut myself off and go to sleep, and even then I'm waking up at least once if not more during the night. The cramping has been happening about a week after ovulation for 3 cycles now...it kept me up for 2 hours a couple nights ago. Since I did have one follie on my good ovary (even though it was small) I don't know if I O'd off of that side at all or not, and if I did I don't want to take any meds to curb the pain aside from Tylenol, and let me tell you, good old Tylenol isn't cutting it this time! We're talking, start in the normal spot for cramps and work their way around to my back in a searing, radiating pain!

Then today (for the second time this week) I woke up feeling sick to my stomach and got dizzy when I got out of bed. Within being up for no more than 1 1/2 hours I started feeling nauseous. I don't think I'm pg (at this point I've all but given up hope of that without the IUI,and even then I'm skeptical) so at this point I'm blaming the meds and a mean body...WTH, I've never cramped earlier than a couple days before my period.

The really sucky thing is that I can't even truly count these as possible pg symptoms since they have started around the same time for 3 cycles now...great, my body just decides to hate me and put me through all this for the fun of it!

Then, on top of all of this, Ben's brother is turning into a royal F*%k up, and his family may not be able to come visit Ben before he deploys. We're all so mad at his brother it's indescribable. The reality of the situation is that Ben is deploying and he may not come back. It's bad juju to say it, but there he is. It's too late for him to get a pass to go home and see his family, and his brother can't leave the state right now...Monday will bring the news if that's been lifted or not. It's been 3 years of this crap with him, and this is the final straw for us. So on top of all of our TTC issues and stresses, Ben and I are having to deal with that too, which isn't helping anything. We have a month until he deploys, we should be trying to enjoy our time together, and it feels like most of our time is worrying about his brother or scheduling things for the IUI etc. Luckily we're being pretty good about finding things to do...aka wildlife reserve, going to other cities around here to explore, having nights out with friends, so we're still enjoying life, but there seems to always be a cloud over all of that (more about his brother than TTC...we've pretty much come to terms with all of the baby-making stuff).

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
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