Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I have my house back!



Don't get me wrong. I love the holiday season. I love getting the tree and setting it up, along with the household decorations. I even LOVE doing extravagant lights on the outside of the house (even though we have YET to do them to our house...I told  Ben that come hell or high water we're going to start going all out next year. We're talking mechanical penguins, deer, the whole shebang).

I also love it when it all comes down and I get my "normal" house back. After a while I start feeling like all of the holiday joviality is liable to swarm in and suffocate me. It's amazing how much more spacious my living room feels just by getting rid of a medium-sized piece of dead vegetation. Not to mention the needles that go with it!
So, now the house is pretty much back to normal. With the exception of aforementioned dead tree sitting out by the side of the house, waiting to be picked up/delivered to it's final resting place.
On another note...I finally ordered the bulk of majorly needed baby items. I say the bulk of it because I'm being cheap and waiting for my discounts to be effective for the last couple of places I'm ordering from. Especially because I ended up ordering the pack & play, even though I wasn't planning on doing so until we actually needed it. The reason I had to order it? Well...apparently the furniture we ordered for the nursery was out of stock, which they failed to mention when we ordered it. It isn't due to even SHIP until the end of March. Pardon?!?!?! My baby is due in mid-February, and will probably end up coming before then. I kind of need somewhere for my child to sleep!!! SO...hello pack & play!!! I guess I don't get that perfectly ready nursery that I had envisioned. Oh well...adaptation is a wonderful thing. Disappointment, not so much.
I'll admit it, I also changed my due date on the sites where I "registered" (I registered for the exact same things at 3 places so that I could get the completion discounts, and then buy from wherever ended up being cheapest. I only told people about one of them, however, so as to avoid getting multiples of things). I changed my due date to a full month and a half earlier than it actually is, because they don't give you the discount until after your due date. Hello? Common sense? Can you kick in for these registry places? I need the discount earlier than that, because I need to have the stuff before the baby arrives so I can be fully prepared. DUH!!!
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Sunday, December 19, 2010

I had SO hoped that this would be more pleasant.

Pregnancy, that is. In my mind I wanted to continue working out (as in cardio, not just walking) at least 3 times a week. I wanted good skin, and hopefully the exercise would help me maintain energy levels. I would be able to find adorable, stylish, CHEAP maternity clothes, and would be able to continue eating healthy the entire way through pregnancy without feeling sick if I did so. I would have cravings for fruits and vegetables, and my hair would grow fast and become thick and luxurious. I would gain an optimal amount of weight and feel beautiful the entire time.

HAH! Unfortunately, like countless women before me, I do not particularly enjoy pregnancy. At least not this one. From day one it has been a slew of Dr's appointments and "don't do" lists. Including any form of exercise (oh, except for about a month in the middle there, where I was allowed to do light, slow walking. Yeah, not exactly what I meant by exercise). My skin exploded from the beginning (one of the things that led me to test for pregnancy) and only got worse with the barrage of hormones and medications I had to be put on in order to maintain the pregnancy and optimal blood flow to the baby. While energy has been OK, starting at about 30.5 weeks I'm falling asleep randomly after doing NOTHING all day...yay for pregnancy-induced narcolepsy.

The maternity clothes that I have found are OK, but the majority of them still make me look as wide as a house, so I'm stuffing myself into pre-pregnancy (stretchy) clothes since they STILL look better. Not to mention the cost of maternity clothes. We'll just say that I'm wearing my pre-pregnancy coat that I love (I'm not able to button it) because I refuse to pay almost $100 for a maternity coat that looks like a circus tent. As for food, well...the things that don't make me feel sick to my stomach are all either fried, fatty, salty, or just plain bad for you. I throw fruits and veggies in because I need to, but they almost certainly make me feel like I'm going to throw up.

Cravings are: salt. Fried. Fatty...the things that don't make me feel ill. They also are the things that pack on the pounds like nobody's business. And, while I'm not gaining 80lbs by any means, I still have already gained a bit more than I would like, and the Dr. says not to worry about it because Monkey is in the 5th percentile and needs to gain, so that means I need to gain. Oh boy...all I see there is "more to lose later." Yeah...more to lose when I'm even more exhausted and less inclined to eat healthy because, let's face it, eating healthy takes more time and effort. As for feeling beautiful, that's just a joke at this point. I feel fat, tired, sick, zitty, and all around crappy. Yeah, beautiful isn't happening in our house this Christmas.
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Thursday, December 16, 2010

And we're into single digits!

That's right...8 weeks and 6 days until Monkey's due! Of course, I may not make it that far, but it's really starting to sink in. That and the fact that we barely have anything for this kiddo. I already told the moms (my mom and  Ben's mom) that after January 1 we will be purchasing things that are left on the registry. That way there is time for shipping delays etc. There was some objection to that, because "people need time to get you gifts." I, for one, think that's great if they want to, but it is our responsibility to provide for this baby, and I can't wait because people might want to buy something for him...especially when it probably won't even be something we really need! That and the fact that a LOT of times people say they want to do something, but never do. No...better safe than sorry for us. We will be doing some major purchasing after the new year.

As for Monkey, he's still looking good. Moving great. As of yesterday, he's still in the 5th percentile for growth (3lbs 1oz at 31 weeks) but since it's a steady weight gain and he's not slowing down, everyone is confident that he'll probably just be a small baby and that there is, in all likelihood, nothing wrong. Of course there are no guarantees, but it's nice to know that there are no other indicators of an actual problem. I did have about 3 contractions during monitoring yesterday, but my nurse practitioner said that with my uterus and where I am in the pregnancy, that's to be expected. I actually didn't even feel the contractions enough to label them as such...it really just felt like Monkey was pushing against my stomach...but they were Braxton Hicks contractions. Nice to know.

I talked to the nurse about my fainting (ish) episodes as well, since I had another one on my way to the Dr's yesterday. I was sent for blood tests to check iron, blood volume, and a couple of other things that I didn't recognize on the lab sheet. Then I was sent home with instructions to take it easy and drink even MORE fluids. Hopefully I will have the results of those tests tomorrow. In the meantime,  Ben and I have decided that I should not drive further than our town (very small town) for safety reasons. If I have to go anywhere further, he will take me since he starts holiday leave tomorrow.

Joy. No exercise, protein shakes, no driving. I really do feel like I'm becoming an invalid.
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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Sock Monkey Hat and Other Randomness!

Well, after finishing my initial sock monkey hat (as seen modeled by my puggle, Cloe) I was almost immediately asked to make another. I've got to watch it, though, because I have a quilt that is VERY time-consuming to finish before this baby gets here, and I'm procrastinating on it. I really think it's just the sheer magnitude of it that makes me so unwilling to work on it, but once I get started it will go right along!



We managed to get our Christmas Tree this weekend...and, despite a rather unnerving episode (see below) I was able to get all the decorations out, set up, and working. Now I begin the countdown until I can take it all down. It's weird...I love having them out, I love seeing seasons change through the house decor (part of why I love fall and winter), but I also love it when I "get my house back" and no longer have all the decorations taking up space on my surfaces. I also love not having Christmas Tree needles all over the ground.  Ben insisted that I wrap empty boxes so that it at least looks like we have presents under the tree. He's already got his gift (Ipad) and we're getting mine in the next week or so (blue tooth installed in my car...the stereo has the button but it's "not equipped").



I also got our Christmas Card picture taken. No, I'm not in it. I'm really not feeling up to tackling that monster...between  Ben, 2 dogs, and myself, it would be virtually impossible to get a shot where everyone looks good and is doing what they are supposed to. Especially when you throw in the fact that the dogs have "uniforms" that they HATE. Can't you see how happy they look? This took about an hour, a half a bag of dog treats, and a ton of "wardrobe adjustments" to get. If I had to add  Ben in, with his tendency to look like he's in pain when he smiles for pictures, plus myself (and my apparent inability to take pictures without a double chin and look halfway decent other than in my belly pictures) it just would not have worked. Can you say disaster?


OK, on to my "episode." I went to the pharmacy on Sunday to pick up a prescription refill. No biggie, right? Yeah, that's what I thought too. As I'm pulling into the parking lot, I start feeling...off. Then too hot, and then the distinctive feeling that I'm going to throw up. Wait, wait, no, that's not all. Then tunnel vision. Mind you I'm still driving. Then I realize that I KNOW this feeling. I'm about to pass out. All I could think was "Park the car, park the car, PARK THE G-D*&N CAR NOW!!!". I did manage to park the car. So far it's all happened in about 20 seconds. In the next 10 seconds my hearing gets VERY muffled, then the tunnel vision is compounded by my vision appearing pixelated and orange. Suddenly, I just KNOW that I'm going to throw up. I throw open the car door (car is in park, e-brake on, and key off) and proceed to dry heave. I sat in the car for probably 5 minutes before I could think of anything other than how awful I feel. And then I realize that I do not have my cell phone on me...I have to get home. Here's the weird thing. At that point Monkey started moving, and as soon as he did ALL of my symptoms went away. I felt fine. Oh...my prescription wasn't in yet. Oh joy.


I managed to get home...yay me. I called the nurse on Monday and she said it sounds like Vena Cava syndrome, where Monkey was resting on the main blood vessel that carries blood back to the heart...either that or he was on the vegus nerve. And if it happens again, it's off to a workup complete with EKG for me. Wonderful.


Up next week: another growth scan to see if Monkey is growing better, plus a standard office visit and 20 more minutes hooked up to a fetal monitor (I do this once a week, but after next week it will be twice weekly). Stay tuned.
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Friday, December 3, 2010

OK, Protein shakes are taking their toll!

It's not that I won't drink them. Honestly they're not THAT bad. But I'm getting tired of them and their lovely side effects, ie the bathroom is quickly becoming my new best friend. Ick. I'm considering that tonight, for a change, I'm going to make a protein milkshake. Ice cream, milk, protein powder, and a blender. Hopefully it works.

Other than that, I LOVE the second Dr. in my perinatologist's office. He's warm, friendly, jokes around, and I don't get the impression that he's trying to escape from the exam room when I'm asking questions. PLUS whenever he's explaining something, he gives reasons and shows me my chart. Such a change from the female Dr, who wouldn't give me a straight answer to my questions if her life depended on it!

The Dr. I saw on Tuesday said that based on my history, age, and testing, he thinks that this baby is just small with no other complications. Of course, he can't be 100% certain until Monkey is born, which I completely understand (and honestly I would be very skeptical of him if he tried to give me a 100% guarantee on something like that) but it was really nice to have some reassurance. I go in for monitoring once a week until 32 weeks, at which point it will be twice a week. At 31 weeks I have my next office visit and growth scan to see if Monkey has bulked up at all...here's hoping he has!
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Monday, November 29, 2010

Coupons Coupons, where to begin?

I have been trying to become more coupon/deal savvy. Let's just say...it's not going as well as it could. I have my little organizer, I clip the coupons I get in the local paper's circular (and by local I mean small town paper that you don't have to pay for a subscription, it only comes once a week or so), and I try to remember that I have them. Sometimes (OK, most of the time) I don't remember I have them until the coupon has expired. Oops.

So, I signed up for www.couponmom.com. If you don't know what this is, check it out. It's pretty cool. It tells you what's on sale/what you can use a coupon for in your state/store, how much the item is before and after the coupon (or in-store savings) and what % you save after all discounts/coupons. Nice, right? Yeah, but the thing is you HAVE to buy a Sunday paper to get the good circulars...and we're talking, a bigger Sunday paper. So, of course, here it is MONDAY, and I have no idea where to buy a Sunday paper on a SUNDAY, let alone today. So, Ben and I have a new project: find out where on EARTH to buy a Sunday paper around here...on Sunday or any other day! We will be checking: grocery stores, convenience stores, dollar stores, drugstores, and bookstores. Other than that, it's going to be a wild goose chase. Hopefully after today we will know where to get them and won't have to do this again...hopefully. Wish us luck!
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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Not so good news from the last appointment...

So, while all looks pretty good with Monkey as far as organs, heart rate, and movement go, he's really small. Like, 1/2 pound smaller than he *should* be. He weighed 2lbs yesterday, and they want him to be at about 2.5lbs. So I've been told to take 2 protein drinks a day, completely ignore how much weight I'm gaining, and stay off my feet as much as possible. With all of our family here for Thanksgiving, that's not easy. For a person like me, who likes things a certain way and feels that I am the only one to be able to do them that way, it's a struggle, especially when I'm not technically on bed rest...yet.  Ben keeps trying to slow me down and make me take it easy, but I'm hosting Thanksgiving for crying out loud! I appreciate the moms helping out, but I don't want to sit there like a bump on a log while they do everything (including cleaning and putting away dishes, which I appreciate, but they aren't ever put away where they belong...ugh).

Ben is really worried. He thinks that it's partially his fault that Monkey is small, because ever since he has been home he has been wanting to go go go doing things and wanting me to cook more, etc. He swears he'll help more, but I'll believe that when it happens. It's no one's fault, it just is what it is. There was no reason to think this would be happening, so there's no blame to be placed. Hopefully these protein drinks help (oh, and staying off my feet if I can get myself to do it).

I guess I'll have a lot more time to focus on crochet and cross-stitch!

Here's the next project on the list (besides the blanket, which is SLOW to progress)
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Saturday, November 20, 2010

My e-mail got hacked =( Oh, and Thanksgiving's practically here!

Well, it finally happened. The hotmail account that I have had since I got married has been hacked...and the nice hacker who used it sent a pornographic video clip to my contact list. Great. Because this was the second hotmail account I have had hacked in the past month or so, I decided that I'm done with hotmail. New account created, contacts/messages imported, forwarding enabled, and everything I could think of switched over to the new account. I guess I'll just forward my e-mails to the new account for, oh, about 2 months, and then delete the old account completely. I also changed the password on the old account, so hopefully it will be protected until I close it. Ugh.

On the upside...I love GMail. The multiple sign in is AWESOME, but I'm still working with filters. I want my e-mails to go to their respected boxes without being read and without hitting my main inbox...I'll have to figure that out. But I really do love that multiple sign in =).

Now on to Thanksgiving. My family is getting here tomorrow, B's is getting in on Monday...and then chaos ensues. Between having to go grocery shopping, making sure everyone gets what they want for the big dinner, going on a little trip with everyone (just for the day) the moms wanting to go shopping and having a prenatal appointment to go to, I'm going to be exhausted by the time everyone goes home. The nice thing is that the moms have basically forbidden me from cooking Thanksgiving dinner...in my own home. That's good because while I am capable, all the bending and lifting etc gets to me after a while, and I get tired and uncomfortable. I know I'll end up helping some, but it's nice to know I don't have to do it all! If I don't post again before T-day...Have a great time with friends and family!
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Thursday, November 11, 2010

On to every 2 weeks

Well, it's happened. I've reached the point in my pregnancy where I have to be at the Dr's every two weeks. It's not really that big of a deal, except for the fact that my next appointment is the week of Thanksgiving...when all of our family will be in town. That's a little inconvenient. "Hi family, great to see you, we have to leave for a few hours so...entertain yourselves." The really hard thing? It's landing on my MIL's birthday. Because the nature of this next appointment is a bit, well, personal, I don't want anyone but B with me. It just isn't appropriate. So, either he will go with me or I will go by myself.

Other than that, Monkey is doing great, and next time we will get a growth estimate--length, weight, etc. I also find out exactly when I have to start going in twice weekly for monitoring, so they can see if/how often I'm contracting. I haven't felt any thus far, and here's hoping that it continues that way.  Ben was super surprised last appointment to see Monkey's foot up by his face...he didn't know babies were that flexible!
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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Amy Butler Modern Diaper Bag!!! (And a couple of other things!)

Well, I did it! It's finished! I'm so proud of myself...it took me 4 days, a few machine needles, and more than a few choice words, but it's done! I completed the modern diaper bag, the changing pad that goes with it, and a diaper "clutch" for those times when I don't need the whole big bag with me. I will say that had I kept the dimensions as listed in "Little Stitches for Little Ones" it would have been WAY too big for me. Also, the changing pad does call for 2 layers of batting, but if you buy the thick batting you only need one. I used 2 layers of 3/4" batting and it's too bulky...I had to lengthen the strap on the changing pad to make it work (but that could also be because I don't like just rolling it into a tube, I tri-fold one way and then another). I used the instructions from The Ogden's Modern Diaper Bag Post to cut down the size of the bag to about 75%, which works perfectly for me.

I had some difficulty turning the bag from inside-out to right side-out, until I realized that I had attached the straps wrong (way to go pregnancy brain and exhaustion) but once I fixed that there wasn't really a problem at all. I also intended the clutch to be smaller, but I was guessing at dimensions and it turned out too big. That's OK, now I just have a small diaper bag (aka clutch) to take with me when the full sized bag would be too much. Is anyone else surprised/impressed that  Ben helped pick out the fabric? He says that it was so that he could get out of the fabric store faster, but I'm still happy. It would have taken me FOREVER to choose if he hadn't stepped up!

He also got to feel Monkey really MOVE the other day. He had his hand resting on my belly, and baby full on KICKED his hand...so hard that  Ben jumped away because it surprised him so much!

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Thursday, October 28, 2010

New Day, New Blog

Well, kind of. I got bored, and I haven't liked the name/look of this blog for a while, so I played. I really didn't like that when I started this blog I labeled myself as a fertility-challenged army wife...because that's not really how I see myself. Why would I put that out there? Because I was at a low point in my life (just discovering that I am reproductively challenged) and wasn't anywhere near a mood to be creative with blog titles. It didn't help that the only thing on my mind was the infertility and  Ben's upcoming deployment. So (as is the case with many things when you're down) I named it for the two things that were on my mind...I named myself via adjectives, descriptors that aren't really what make me up as a whole but rather that are parts of my life. So I decided to "clean house" so to speak. I'm still iffy on text colors, but I think I really like the new title, and that's a good thing, since that was the hardest part.
And although sometimes I feel like this:            

I hope most of the time the content of the blog looks like this:

Yay! I'm so excited for a new start, more crafts, pregnancy/family news, and lots of good things to come! 
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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

OMG Where did my belly button go!?!

Well, it's officially happened. My belly button has disappeared. I had to break down and take out my naval ring last night...the piercing was too red and angry to leave it in. Once the ring was out, I realized that my belly button is almost completely flat. No wonder it didn't like being pulled for that extra bit of metal. I also looked back at the "before and after" shots of my belly...from about 4 weeks to 24 weeks (OK, technically 24 weeks is tomorrow, but there's no guarantee I'll want to do my hair and makeup when I don't have to). Here's the comparison:


 Wow...even though I don't see the difference day to day, it's definitely there!!! I also had an ultrasound today. I was just supposed to have my cervix checked (long and closed, nothing but good news there!) but I had an awesome technician who not only took regular 2D pictures of our little man, but a couple of 3D images as well! Of course, he didn't want to cooperate, so the pictures aren't great, but we have them!

So there you go! I'm sad that  Ben couldn't make it to the appointment with me (stupid "appointment line" never returns calls...what's the point of even having it?) but I have another appointment in 2 weeks that he will be able to come to and my nurse said that if they're not super busy she'll pop us over to the ultrasound to "play" for a little bit. I really want him to get to see his son moving on an ultrasound, it's so different from just looking at the pictures!
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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It's been a couple of weeks...

Ben is home (YAY!) so no more worrying on that end. He's been home a few days now, so I haven't been online much at all since we have been running all over kingdom come getting errands done and generally enjoying the great weather!

Of course, this means that I'm back to hearing the sound of video games all the time, which is not my favorite. I also don't LOVE that he sits so close to the TV, it's bad for the eyes, but I can't seem to get that through to him (or he just doesn't care).  Oh well...if I really want less of that, I can always retreat to the bedroom.


In other news...


YAY! That's really what we wanted. OF COURSE we would have been ecstatic with a girl, no question about it, but both of us just really wanted a boy first. And yes, that is my stomach...I've had people ask if I just stole the pic with graphics off the internet somewhere. Nope...all me. We have bought the bedding for him:







We bought it mainly because it was the first bedding set appropriate for a boy that we LOVED and because of the price on Overstock.com, and, as we all know, once something leaves that site it doesn't come back. We were afraid that if we didn't buy it right away, we wouldn't be able to find it again, especially at the awesome price we got!  Ben also fulfilled his promise to take me to the fabric store and push the cart for me, so I got everything (minus purse feet) that I need for the diaper bag plus about 75% of what I need to start in on Monkey's quilt. Of course, I'll need to buy the batting and flannel, but I'm waiting for a coupon to become valid before I go back, because I really would like to save 50% on both of those things LOL! So, all in all it's been a great weekend/week!
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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I give up! I'll just make it myself!

So, after searching and searching for the perfect diaper bag (you know, the one where functionality, design, fabric, and price are all PERFECT) I give up. It's not out there. If I find one I love, it's $100 or more, and I'm just not willing to pay that much for something that is going to carry diapers (both clean and otherwise) and bottles, among other things. SO...I'm making my own. This way, even if I spend more (but I'm estimating it won't cost me more than $60 or so) I'll love everything about it. I have decided on this style of bag, designed by Amy Butler (see picture). Of course, in looking at pics online of this bag, I'll have to cut it down some, because it's huge. However, there is a blog out there with the dimensions that the crafter used, and I think it will be perfect! The really good news: the patterns for other diaper bags that I liked were in the range of $12 for one pattern...I got this book with 20 patterns for $16, including shipping. I'd say that's a good deal!



I'm just so excited, now I'll get everything I want, plus other projects included if I want to try them. YAY!
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Thursday, September 30, 2010

Halfway Done!!!

Woo hoo! I made it to the 20 week mark! So excited...that means it's all "downhill" from here! And can I just say that while I may not be the biggest fan of my Dr (no, I can't change and no I didn't pick her) I LOVE my Nurse Practitioner. She is, in a word, awesome! When I asked my Dr. about weight gain, she responded with "my patients only gain 20lbs on average." Ok, according to the National Institute of Medicine, women who are overweight should gain 15-25lbs, and obese should gain 11-20lbs. I am neither overweight or obese. In fact, pre-pregnancy, I was at the low end of the "normal" BMI weight range. So, according to the NIM, I should gain between 25-35lbs. My Dr. didn't even take into consideration my case...and the number she gave me is not applicable to my height/weight/BMI. So, when I asked my NP about this (did I mention I love her) she said that based on my height/weight pre-pregnancy, I should gain around 30lbs. And I'm right on track for that. Good.

At my last ultrasound they also saw a soft marker for Down's. This raised the risk from 1/2400 to 1/1200. At that point my Dr. immediately started trying to discuss amnios with me.  Ben and I already agreed that we will not do an amnio. When I talked to my NP, she said not to worry about it...that 1/1200 is less than a 1/10 of a percent chance, so essentially nothing to worry about. She also said that since they started looking for the soft marker they saw on my ultrasound, 75% of the patients she sees have it. And their babies are fine. Great.

Finally, in a little less than 2 months I get to go in twice a week for monitoring. Basically I go in, sit in a recliner with monitors strapped to my belly checking for contractions. Good thing I've got a Kindle...at least I won't be bored!
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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

And now for will power to kick in.

So, had my anatomy scan today. Everything looks great...and our little guy or gal gave us the thumbs up!


 
Now here's the hard part: waiting for  Ben to get home so that we can find out the sex! The tech did put those pictures into a sealed envelope for me, so I have it sitting in my house taunting me, daring me to open it early and then attempt to re-close so no one would know. Right...I'd like to think I'm that smooth. I know that if I tried it would all go horribly wrong...paper would rip, and with my luck somehow the pictures would get damaged to the point where there is no hiding the fact that I opened the envelope. I'd better play it safe and not open it, but that doesn't mean it will be easy!
 
On another note...the Dr. thinks I may have a kidney stone, thus explaining the pain I've been in. If that is the case...I'm kind of SOL. I just have to wait it out and deal with it. OK, fine...but the thing there is that even if I did get better pain killers, the way this pain has been going by the time they kicked in the pain would be gone. I can't even try to preempt the pain, because I never know when it's coming on!
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Sunday, September 19, 2010

Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow.

So, I woke up at 3am Saturday morning in EXCRUCIATING pain coming from the general area of my right kidney. Of course, my first thought was: Kidney Infection. Wonderful. I knew Monkey was OK, because I could/can feel him/her moving around like crazy. Yay for finally feeling fetal movement! I went to the restroom, thinking that may alleviate some of the pain. Nope. It lasted for 10-15 minutes, and it was so bad that I seriously thought I was going to throw up. The pain from my miscarriage, when they essentially put me into labor with medications, wasn't that bad. I was sweaty, couldn't stop moving, and GOING to throw up. Then, suddenly, it faded away. This lovely episode repeated itself 3 more times: at 4am, 5am, and 7am. Each time I went to the restroom, drank some water, and dealt with it. After talking to  Ben  I finally decided to call the Dr.'s answering service around 10am when I was still having pain, although nowhere near how bad it had been.

When I heard back from the Dr (who I had seen 2 weeks before) she a) didn't remember me...not surprising, her interpersonal skills aren't the best and b) told me (after I told her everything) that she suspected a mild kidney infection, but since I don't have any other symptoms, like a burning sensation when using the restroom or a fever, to keep EXTREMELY hydrated and keep my bladder empty. My instructions are to keep doing that, and as long as the symptoms don't get worse and/or I don't develop a fever, I should be OK until my appointment on Wednesday. I seriously hope that I get some relief then, because this HURTS. It's not as bad as the first night, but definitely still happening.
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Thursday, September 16, 2010

Ready For a New Week!

This week has been LOOOONG! And it's not over yet! It's not even that I didn't have things to do...there have been (and still are) lots of phone calls to make, meetings to go to, business to sort out, etc etc etc, and it's not all done yet. However, it's been one of those weeks where I constantly feel like it should be a day further (ie Wednesday feels like Thursday etc). So I REALLY feel like today is Friday, but it's not.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the "big" prenatal appointment is next Wednesday, the 22nd. Of course, I won't know the sex of the baby after that one...that information will be given to me in a sealed envelope so that  Ben and I can open it together when he gets home. It's my choice, but that doesn't mean that waiting is easy! I really want to know so that I can start shopping and making things...less than a month more wait won't kill me, right?
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Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Why do so many people have trouble with spelling/grammar?

I'm starting to worry for the future of children when it comes to spelling and grammar. For one thing, people can't spell. At all. Example: "Loosing" is not the word you want when you cannot find something. Same goes for "Loose". I think you mean "Losing" or "lose."  Why is that so hard. I have also seen "starring" for "staring" and "werid" for "weird" (my husband is guilty of that one. We have decided that I will be the English Homework Helper for our children). I also get tired of people using "text speak" when writing about things and they are not text messaging. I'm sorry, but I cannot read "Ur kdng me. Thts crzy. U shld try sumthng dffrnt." It takes me at least twice as long to read that as it takes me to read "You're kidding me. That's crazy. You should try something else." Not to mention it kind of makes me think you don't know how to spell and use "text speak" to cover it up. And please, please, PLEASE learn to use punctuation. I have seen people type an ENTIRE paragraph (anywhere from 4-10 sentences long) and not use one single form of punctuation once. Here's a thought: I can't understand what you are saying if there is no differentiation between one thought and the next. If I can't understand you, I will not respond. Period.

Oh, and "I seen _____ the other day" is not correct. FYI.

Or maybe it's just me!

Oh, and why do people insist on calling a pregnant woman "preggers" or "preggo?" I am not a spaghetti sauce, thank you very much!!

I know that I cannot say these things to the people who do them every time it comes up, but seriously? Our children are doomed.
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Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Cervix and Heartbeats and Gas, Oh My!!!

I had my second perinatologist appointment today. It's a busy office, so I consider myself lucky that that I was only there for 2 hours. I had my cervical evaluation first. This was what was going to determine if I am allowed to exercise again or not. The verdict: All's good, go for a walk! YAY! I've been really feeling this whole no exercise thing, so starting tomorrow I'm back on the bandwagon (well, walking at least LOL). I also discovered that based on the last ultrasound I had they moved my due date from Feb 20, 2011 to Feb16, 2011. That means I'm a full 4 days farther along than I thought, so today I'm 16 weeks instead of 15 weeks 3 days! Almost done with month 4!

We also looked at Monkey and the heartbeat (although it's not like I haven't been listening to it every day with my own doppler anyway!). Official heart rate: 154bpm...all's good. Of course Monkey was standing on it's head...the first view we got was of the back of a skull and the spine! We eventually got some pictures, but none of them are super clear. In the picture you can clearly see the spine and back/side of Monkey's head.

Of course, they gave me pictures, but they're all pretty bad quality. Because this is mostly back view, you can only see a little section of one arm. The legs are all bunched up in front of Monkey, so this picture looks like it has no legs, but I assure you, they are there!

Then on to blood work. You would think that once I answer all the standard questions once, I wouldn't have to answer them again. After all, if they would just look it's all in my chart. But no...we went through it all again. To the point where she verified that I was Caucasian. She's new. My blood pressure was at 120/70...good. Weight...well, I'm at 10lbs, but now that I can exercise hopefully I'll slow the train down a little. If not, maybe I can at least stay somewhat toned!

I wasn't super impressed with the Dr. I saw today. She seemed rushed and not very invested. She did answer my questions, but as I asked she kept edging toward the door...I mean, I get that there are a lot of patients to see, but really? She didn't even let me get through all the questions! No biggie...my next appointment is in 3 weeks, and when I see my Nurse Practitioner (who is awesome) I'll ask her.

Now, apparently one thing my body has decided to hate is dairy. Grrr. I love ice cream and cheese, and cook with cheese a lot (I know, not the best thing, but it's so yummy!). I had ice cream last night...10 minutes after I finished I had gas pains that almost had me in tears. Tonight...chicken chili with cheese. Same deal. I think tomorrow I'm going to drink a glass of milk (ick, but I have to test the theory) and see what happens.

Next appointment I *could* know what Monkey is, but I'm having the results put in a sealed envelope so that B and I can open them together when he gets home. It's going to be a long stretch between now and then...willpower needs to be there, or else I'll fail!
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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

WooHoo!

OK, so I know I'm supposed to be OK getting bigger. I get it. Stop telling me that. It doesn't make it any easier to see the scale numbers going up again, especially when I worked so hard to get down to my ideal weight RIGHT BEFORE I got pregnant. Now understand why I was excited: I did not want to have to buy maternity clothes until at least 20 weeks...preferably later. So imagine my disappointment when on Saturday, at 14w6d, I could no longer button my pants. NOOOOO!!! I have a Bella band which I can use for a while, but this was the beginning of the end. I want this baby more than anything, but I'm just not quite ready to make the leap into maternity. Today I found at least one pair of pants that I can still button YAY!

I was so excited! I don't have to go to fat lady clothes yet! Of course, none of this helps my rapidly growing boobs. Seriously, were they not big enough before? I can't wear at least half of my shirts and dresses, not because of my stomach, which is SUPPOSED to be growing but isn't really (at least not that anyone else can notice) but because my boobs have now reached epic proportions, and will only continue that trend. Great.

On another note, I have a new fridge. It's more basic than the last one: let's hear it for renting and having a cheap homeowner. OK, I get it, you don't want to spend a ton on a fridge for a rental property. Fine. But (and here's what upset me) for the same price as the fridge she bought (I know, because I looked it up) she could have gotten an upright side-by-side with water and ice in the door from the lady who came to figure out what was wrong with the old fridge. Not only that, but I would have had it a week ago. Instead (because the homeowner chose to disregard that awesome offer) I had to wait an extra week for a fridge that opens with the door going into my kitchen and doesn't have an ice maker. Even my old crappy fridge had an ice maker. I don't understand why she didn't want to get the best one possible, especially when it was the same amount of money and would have been here a week earlier, saving me a week of grief!

Then my car battery dies. Again. OK, OK, I know that it's kind of my fault: when I went to Europe in May and was gone for a month, I left an interior light on and COMPLETELY killed the battery. I jumped it, drove it, and it's fine. Then I didn't drive it for a week...lo and behold, it wouldn't start. So (since I'm still under warranty) I called my local Dodge dealer and they said "bring it in, we'll check it." OK, great. I do that, and they tell me that there's nothing wrong with the battery. Hmmm, funny, THEN WHY DOES IT KEEP DYING? I have a copy of that paperwork coming to me, so that the next time it happens I can say "hey, you said there was nothing wrong, but it happened again. Now I'm not under warranty, but you guys still need to fix this at no charge because you told me that there was nothing wrong but I'm still having the same problem." Ugh.

At least I can button my pants.
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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Ugh!

So, my freezer/refrigerator is on the fritz. We're talking, not even remotely cold AT ALL. I noticed water dripping from it yesterday, and by the time I noticed 90% of what was in the freezer was ruined. By this morning, the other 10% had to be thrown out, and the fridge was barely colder than room temperature. Luckily, my landlord is SUPPOSED to be calling someone this morning, but I have a sinking feeling that it won't be fixable and that we will need a new fridge. We won't have to pay for it, but I'll still have to wait.

On the up side, we did save the mini-fridge from  Ben's last deployment. I'm not supposed to lift it (I could, but not allowed LOL) so I pushed it over by the entrance to the house from the garage, plugged it in, and filled it with anything that HAS to stay cold...dairy, fruit, pre-made soups, medications, etc. The stuff that couldn't fit, well, use it or lose it I guess. The fruit salad and tabbouleh I made are ruined. Juice...I'm going to get some ice and put it and my veggies in a cooler...I'll just be making a few trips to the corner store every day I guess. This sucks. I couldn't even try to fix the fridge myself because I can't (or rather, not supposed to) move the fridge to look in the back of it, but the fact that it's not just condensation but a complete lack of cooling makes me think that cleaning the drain and drip pan (which isn't located in the front) wouldn't help.

Great. Just great. I guess at least A) I had the mini fridge that still works and B) it's only me...Ben isn't home and Monkey's not here yet, so if it HAD to happen this is probably the best time. And who knows, the landlord may hook me up with a MUCH nicer fridge than I have now...heck, as long as it works it's better, but a newer model would be nice!
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Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm Right, You're Wrong, So Agree With Me!!!

Recently I have noticed that much of the time when it comes to beliefs, people are unwilling to even consider another way of thinking, even when valid arguments for another point of view are made. I heartily condone people sticking to their beliefs, but I have difficulty respecting that when people will not even CONSIDER other options. For example: you are a "mom" who heartily believes that it is detrimental to your unborn child to have ultrasounds, external fetal monitoring, or vaginal exams to determine how far along in your laboring process..basically, against all forms of medical intervention. Good for you. I personally know that without things like ultrasounds I may have lost this pregnancy. When others tell "you" that they were supposed to have perfectly normal, routine, uncomplicated pregnancies, but that thanks to these interventions complications were discovered and the medical community was able to deal with it and save their unborn child's life, you refuse to accept those reasons and instead stand by your belief that the no intervention approach is the very best.

I cannot help but wonder at "you" not even considering the other side of the story...that something bad could happen and with a small bit of intervention it could either be prevented or fixed. Then imagine "you" go and lecture a bunch of women who are already mothers about why your beliefs are right, and basically refuse to listen when they tell you their reasons for disagreeing. What does this make "you?"
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Thursday, August 5, 2010

Time to Relax

Well, after all the ups and downs so far, I'm finally able to relax. I had my first visit with the Perinatologist office yesterday. I was expecting a consult with height/weight/blood pressure, family history, questions, and bloodwork. I came out with these:


Needless to say...YAY! So now that I'm over 11 weeks (Monkey measured 12 weeks 2 days) I am feeling much more confident and relaxed...I'm past where I lost the last pregnancy, and it just feels real now that it looks like a baby and not like a jumping bean! Of course, Monkey wouldn't cooperate...moving when we needed him/her to be still and going completely still when we needed him/her to move! Oh well...at least all is well and progressing like it should!
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Sunday, August 1, 2010

It's my scary time!

Today I am 11w pregnant. Last time I was pregnant, 11w (to the day) is when we found out that the pregnancy was not viable. I'm still confused as to the classification of my M/C. The Dr. said it was a missed M/C, and that the baby had stopped growing at 7-8w. HOWEVER...when she showed  Ben the ultrasound (they wouldn't let me see it) she showed him an empty gestational sac--no baby. Which, from what I understand, means that it was actually a blighted ovum and not a true missed M/C...can it be both?

Now, because I'm at my "scary time" I'm even more nervous about my appointment with the perinatologist on Wednesday. Hopefully they will at least try a doppler scan to hear the heartbeat. My mother is all over me to let her tell people about the pregnancy, but I really don't want her to let the news out until 12-13w. I guess that, if they do a doppler scan on Wednesday and we hear a heartbeat I'll be able to decide if I want her to wait any longer or if she can go ahead and tell the world. I know she really wants to, but I'm still so nervous!
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Friday, July 30, 2010

Ok, Ow, This Kind of Hurts!!!

So, I thought I had felt gas pain. I thought I knew what to expect. I was so, so wrong. Apparently I ate too fast tonight, and that combined with the Perrier I'm drinking did its worst. And I'm talking, its WORST. Like, the worst cramp you've ever felt that travels from one side of your stomach to the other, ending in what can only be described as a flutter of bubbles. Those bubbles then sit "down low" until they decide to come out at their convenience...which is of absolutely NO convenience to anyone else in the general vicinity.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't feel faultless in this process at all. I chose to eat what I ate. I know that by eating far to fast and drinking a lot of a carbonated beverage at the same time I was inviting general chaos to my digestive system. I just didn't expect that level of pain. It hadn't happened before. All I can say is, well, I felt like it.


I also understand that this entire cycle will not be appreciated by my loving and adoring husband when he gets home. I have already told him that, for the sake of his nose (and yes, sometimes ears, unfortunately) there will probably be some nights when it will be in his best interests to sleep in the guest room. Because, after all, y'all know I'm not leaving my big comfy bed!

Now that my whining for the day is done, I have to tell everyone (well, anyone who happens to read it) that I have had a fantastic idea. Since I am home alone pretty much ALL day, EVERY day, there are a lot of random thoughts that come through my head. There is not always a cohesive thread binding the thoughts together, they just pop up. Sometimes nice, sometimes mean, sometimes totally pointless. For example: today, I walked outside to get the mail (once the temperatures had lowered to the point where I didn't feel like I was melting the second I stepped outside). The first thing that popped into my head was "it smells like maple syrup out here." And then I went on my way.

So, my brilliant idea is a thought journal. I may not use it every day, but it's always by my bed or my chair, so that when those random thoughts come up I don't feel the immediate urge to call someone and bother them with it...if I write it in my journal, I have gotten it out enough to not need to call anyone. And the other good thing is I can even say (write) the mean nasty thoughts that I don't want people to know that I think, but that I feel the need to "get out" in some way. Good idea, right? Now I just have to hope no one sees it unless I want them to. Hmmm...

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Sunday, July 25, 2010

Well, now to top it all off...

Got a call from my RE on Friday. Apparently my Lipoprotein A is elevated. Like, it's supposed to be at 75 or under, I'm at 129...pushing double what it should be. In case you are confused, here is a link to explain Lipoprotien A:


http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007262.htm


Basically it's kind of like cholesterol, but stickier. And it attracts more of itself once it's attached somewhere. So, along with all of my pregnancy/fertility issues that we have to watch, now I'm at elevated risk for multiple types of heart disease. Oh, and it may be linked with pregnancy loss, but that's not completely confirmed. Oh joy.


When I told my mom (who has a knack of saying the thing you're thinking and making you laugh about it, even if it's scary) she says "well, you didn't have enough going on, now did you?" I told her that the laundry list of things for me to be worried about felt unbalanced, and I needed to top it off and even it out.


I guess I shouldn't be completely surprised. After all, my grandfather passed away during his second heart attack at age 54, my grandmother has had 2 open heart surgeries and still had congestive heart failure twice last year, my father has a chronic battle with high blood pressure, and my little sister was diagnosed with high cholesterol at age 14. Really, I should have been prepared. Bad Stephanie.


On the good side (or rather, positive side) of things, my RE obviously isn't super concerned. He's really proactive, and if he's worried about something when he gets results he a) calls me the day after I get the bloodwork done and b) has me in the office that day to run tests and/or talk about options. With this discovery, my blood was drawn on Tuesday and his office called Friday morning. Obviously not urgent news. And, while he does want to see me to discuss what this means, I won't go in until the first week of August, a week and a half after getting the phone call. So, I guess it's just one more thing, and I need to watch my cholesterol intake and take it easy so I don't stress my heart out more than necessary. Lovely...one more excuse to sit on my butt and do nothing. Which I already do because I'm not allowed to exercise. Needless to say...I'm bored.
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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Woo Hoo!!! I Graduated!

From my RE that is! Today was bittersweet. My last official prenatal appointment with my RE before I go to the perinatologist on Aug. 4th. Speaking of that...getting that darned referral to go through was a pain in the butt!!! Talk about red tape! (OK, so I'm probably exaggerating, but these pregnancy hormones do not help my reactions to and perceptions of things LOL)

I don't have a primary care Dr. right now, (she moved and I haven't been assigned a new one, just learned that I have to find my own, which is a new thing for me...apparently here the military insurance works differently than every other duty station we've been at) so my RE was making the referral to the perinatologist for me. I even called my insurance company to make sure that it would work out and be approved and was told "yes, your specialist is approved to diagnose and treat you, so they can do the referral." Great! Two days later, my RE gets a fax saying that my primary care has to do the referral. Ummm...I DON'T HAVE ONE AND YOU KNOW THAT!!!! So, I call again and they say "who told you that your specialist could do the referral?" "You guys did" "No we didn't". Really? REALLY? So I'm the idiot client who imagined the entire phone call THAT YOU DOCUMENTED IN MY FILE? AAAARGH!!! In the end it all got worked out (after getting a little mad at them and being on hold for 10-15 minutes while the incompetent fool checked with his supervisor about everything).

OK, so that stress is gone, referral is approved, and today I got to see Monkey moving around like crazy!!! It took my RE 3 tries to get a heart rate because (s)he wouldn't stop wiggling around! I think this is the most excited I've been, it was so thrilling to see all that movement. Now I just can't wait for  Ben to be here so that he can see it too...and by the time he gets home it will really look like a baby!!!

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Friday, July 16, 2010

Well, on to the next-Dr that is =)

So, after 2 good appointments and GREAT growth, my RE has determined that it is time for me to move on to a high risk OB. Perinatologist, to be specific, over at the Maternal/Fetal Medicine division. My RE said that he will continue to control labs and medication, but other than that his hand in my prenatal care must come to an end. While I'm a bit sad about this (this is the man, after all, who has made it possible for me to get pregnant again and have a very realistic shot at keeping this pregnancy) I'm also excited, because it means that he is confident enough in the pregnancy that I can move on to the next stage, which is HUGE!!!

So, I have one more appointment with my RE this coming Tuesday for a final U/S with him, and then on August 5th I officially "graduate" to real OB care! YAY!
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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Finally...a good Dr's appointment!

YAY! We did a quick ultrasound today to check on Monkey's heart rate and the yolk sac since the HR was irregular/low on Tuesday and the yolk sac was oblong instead of circular. We had a strong heartbeat of 168 and the sac has rounded out and looks perfect!!!

I'm so happy! I/We really needed for one appointment to go well, just to give me a boost to get through the future appointments that don't go so well. I know that I have too many issues going on to have a completely smooth, normal pregnancy, but every once in a while I need the morale boost of the Dr. saying "everything looks perfect and right on track, so we're doing everything right." YAY!!!!
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Tuesday, July 6, 2010

If it's not one thing, it's another.

Got a call from my RE on Friday...my inflamation marker came back really elevated. So, he took me off the horrid progesterone injections and back to the suppositories we go. Today, I noticed a mild rash covering from my thighs to my chest...luckily I had an appointment today. They think it's medication-induced, so I'm off that particular med. OK. Then we got to the ultrasound. Monkey is good, measuring right where it should be, and as of today I have a due date of 2/22/2011. YAY! However, the heart rate did some...strange things. At first it was very irregular, beating 3 times then stopping...2 times, stop, 3 times stop. So we waited a couple minutes and checked again. This time it was a consistant strong 108bpm. A little low. SO...wait again. The third time we checked it was at 128, which is better. My RE said that he's only had 4 other cases where this happened, and that after adjusting medications the babies are all fine. So...adjustments are being made. Yay. I guess that overall it's good news, but what a rollercoaster appointment! I'm exhausted. This kid is already giving me grey hairs...definitely it's father's child!
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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

U/S #3, and yet another med

All is well! Monkey is growing great, measuring .5cm (6w2d) with a heart rate of 117.95. Hearing that heartbeat was the best sound ever!!!


The only "hiccup" (as my RE puts it) is that the yolk sac is measuring just a little small, which could be attributed to the fact that...drum roll please............one of my tests from last week showed that I have a little immune system problem. That could also have been responsible for my bleed last week. So, I get to start a med that is a cousin to Prednisone to correct that issue. Great. I'm cool with that...my RE says that he has had a lot of success using this drug to treat my issues, and that when he has "girls" who have this immune system problem and small yolk sacs, he puts them on this med and the yolk sac grows to the appropriate size, usually within a week. YAYA!

At this point one more med is no big deal. I'm a human pincushion, incubator, and test tube. One more med (1/2 a pill a night, whoop di doo) is like a drop in the bucket. If it means I get a healthy baby at the end of it...fill 'er up!
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Thursday, June 24, 2010

All is well, but...

So, the source of the bleeding is a bruise in my uterus where a small blood vessel ruptured. It's not threatening the baby, but in order to give it time to heal I am on semi-bed rest until my next appointment on Tuesday. I am also NOT to take my blood thinner until Saturday, so that it can heal up. On top of all of that, the RE switched me from Progesterone suppositories (ick, but easy) to DAILY Progesterone in Oil shots in the hip. My butt hurts.

I did get to see Monkey, with a heartbeat!!!! YAY!!!!
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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

On to Scared!

After my U/S, last night, right before bed, I started spotting. Brown, which I know is old blood, but it's still really scary to me. It's maybe been a total of 4 small drops today (maybe one more...not really counting), but I can't help but worry that I'm going to lose this baby. Since it's nor heavy, not red, and not accompanied by cramping, I'm not going to call the Dr yet. I'll let him know about it if/when he calls me tonight or tomorrow with the results of the blood work that I had done today, and see what he thinks. If it doesn't either go away or get worse, I'll just let him know about it at my next U/S on Tuesday. If it changes at all, whether it changes color, gets to be more, or is accompanied by cramps (not gas pain, I have that a lot lately), then I'll call in and see what they want to do. I hate this. It just sucks. No matter what the signs are, I keep thinking that this pregnancy is going to end up like the last one. Ugh.
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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Well...crap.

I went in for my first U/S today. The RE thought I was about 6w today (I knew I wasn't...and I know that I O later in my cycle than day 14, so I knew that I was somewhere in my 5th week, not 6w. We saw a gestational sac that measured 5w2d...and what we believe to be the beginning of the yolk sac. Possibly, maybe, maybe even a little flicker that could be a heartbeat...but he's the one who thought he saw that...not me, and he said that it could just be shadows.

Now I have to wait another week and see what another U/S shows...Anxiety is NOT any better, and now instead of waiting 4 days I have to wait a full week to discover whether or not  this pregnancy is viable. I'm a wreck. He did say that we saw exactly what we should be seeing at 5w2d...but that didn't really calm me down much at all. Then, on top of it, when I told  Ben he says "well, is that a bad sign? Could that mean that the baby died a week ago and we're just seeing the signs of that?" Great thing to say to me. Wonderful. FABULOUS.

Let's freak out your already emotional wife by only saying the pessimistic stuff...forget being supportive and positive, who needs that? So after a crying bout and getting upset with him, we're ok, but now he's filled my head with the negative, and I can't get rid of it. HELP!!!
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Monday, June 14, 2010

Beta #1

So I shocked my RE's office today by calling and telling them the news and that I needed to come in for a beta. I haven't been to that office since just before Ben left in October...imagine their shock!

Even better news...my RE insists on being the one to track all pregnancies resulting from his care until almost the end of the first trimester-YAY! That means that I'll be in the absolute best hands possible during the trickiest time.

Results of the Beta...well, as my NP put it "DEFINITELY pregnant." HCG was 569, and both estriadol and progesterone were good. She said to expect a call tomorrow morning to set up my first appointment, at which time I hope I can see my Monkey(and hopefully a heartbeat...I'll feel way better after seeing that). YAY!
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Sunday, June 13, 2010

OMG! OMG OMG OMG!!


So, just for the hell of it, I took a pregnancy test today. POSITIVE! So I took another. POSITIVE! On a FRER and a CB digital...both say I'm PREGNANT!!! I can't believe it...2 weeks in Europe with  Ben in the middle of a 12-month deployment, and we got pregnant. I'm on Cloud 9. Now for reality...I have to try and do everything I can to let this little bean stick! YAY!
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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I made a bad decision...

I rented a movie on Netflix and forgot about it. I put it in today and all I want to do is cry while watching. It's called "Maybe Baby" and the reason I rented it is because it has Hugh Laurie and Emma Thompson are in it, so I didn't pay attention to what it was about. It's about a couple struggling with unexplained infertility. It's not exactly our situation, but close enough. Stupid me...I need to pay more attention to things!!!
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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Wishing...(aka feeling sorry for myself)

I'm sitting here on no sleep at all at 6:00 am wishing that I had more than I do. I'm wishing that I had a normal reproductive system and that, when my husband gets home, I could get pregnant with a healthy baby without medical intervention (and even then, without it being a long shot). I'm wishing that genetics could have been on my side to give any pregnancy could possibly achieve a fighting chance without close monitoring. I'm wishing I didn't have to resort to a couple of drinks to really confront what I'm feeling. And most of all, I'm wishing that people would stop asking "when are you going to have kids" or "how does it feel to go through all of this" because the truth is that it hurts like no reality has ever hurt and there is nothing that anyone can do to make that pain go away. Ugh. I want this nightmare to be over and for the reality of pregnancy being easy and resulting in a healthy, normal baby (or babies) to be the reality.
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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Ouch! And Waiting...

First of all...WTH is with this pain on my right side!?! I have an ovary over there, but it never hurts like this, and it's not ovulation because I'm not due to ovulate for at least 10 more days! I'm seriously considering calling my Dr. to see if she can't figure it out. I would call the RE, but I'm not sure I want to bother him with this when it's probably nothing.  Still though...ow! I need this to stop. I'm worried that it could be a cyst or something...in which case I would LOVE it if they would just take the darn ovary out, since it won't do me any good anyway!

Second...waiting is killing me. I'm waiting for a job (or rather, to see if a few jobs I applied for work out), I'm waiting for  Ben to get R&R so we can spend a nice vacation in Europe, I'm waiting for this deployment to be over, I'm waiting to get pregnant or learn once and for all that that's not going to happen.  I'm waiting to see what Ben's going to do as far as career...get out or stay in. With that decision comes me waiting to find out where we're going to live next and what I'll be doing there...will it be short term or long term? Will I be able to get a job that includes what I want to do and a nice career path (with a nice pay =)). Will we find a house that we want to buy and live in, or will we continue to rent. I hate deployments. Not only is  Ben in danger and gone for a year, but both of our lives get put on hold and I feel like I'm just stuck in limbo for a year (or more) until he gets back, at which time our lives get to continue. Argh! Calling my Dr in the next couple days to see what's going on with this pain. GRRR. =)
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Saturday, January 23, 2010

Been a while...

Well, after a lot of discussion with  Ben and with my RE about cost, we have decided to continue trying to conceive when  Ben  gets home from deployment. We also want to try on R&R, but we know chances are slim, so really we're just going to make sure I'm on my meds in case I do get pregnant to ensure that we've done everything possible for a healthy baby.

The plan is as follows: I'm calling my RE on Monday to see about trying out different meds to get my left ovary stimulated enough to ovulate. If we succeed, I will take the same combination of meds during  Ben's R&R to give us the best possible chances of conceiving. HOWEVER...I'm not going to cut out drinking or having a good time while we're in Europe. We figure we'll just set everything up so that we possibly have a chance in hell, and then leave it up to nature...so no real stress about it then. It is, after all, the only 2 weeks we'll see each other in a year's time, so we need to enjoy that.

Then, when he gets back, I will have gotten a new referral to my RE so that we are set up and ready to try for IUI again. It's way cheaper than we thought, and we REALLY want biological children, so we figure we'll at least get through 3 full cycles of IUI before seriously considering adoption. If 3-4 cycles of IUI don't work (and considering I've gotten pregnant very quickly twice before, with all of that help I can't imagine it not working at least one of those times) we'll move on to adoption.

I still think that I'll have to at least do over the counter medication for my MTHFR as long as we're still in the "we want a kid/more kids" mindset...that way if I do ever get pregnant on an "oops" it has a good shot at being healthy. We have decided that I won't ever go back on birth control, since there's really no point...once we reach a time when we say "we've got all the kids we want"  Ben will have the little snip snip done and that's that.

Don't know how often I'll post on here, but it does feel good to get it out (plus this way I don't annoy my close friends and family with the same conversation all the time LOL!)
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