Sunday, January 23, 2011

So little time & motivation!

It's official. We will be inducing Friday as long as the amnio comes back showing that the baby's lungs are mature. As in, 6 days from now. And even though logistically I know we are ready, I can't shake the feeling that we're not ready. I feel like I should be doing more, preparing more, and have everything perfect. But that's not realistic...perfect is not possible. In fact, I don't think it's possible to be 100% ready for something that will change your life so completely. My answer to my dilemma? Sitting on the couch watching HGTV and messing around on the computer.

I know that no matter how hard I try, my idea of clean/tidy will never be Ben's idea of clean/tidy. I know that no matter how many times I rearrange or stare at the nursery, it will never feel complete because the crib and dresser are STILL not here, and without those I can't put things on the walls (I'm a stickler about centering/measuring how high things are based on furniture, so I have to wait). I know that the blanket I'm making won't be ready...and it wouldn't be ready before his birth no matter what, because it's a birth announcement in the middle. Which means I need his date of birth and weight/length before I can finish it.

I know I will never win the battle against dog hair. I have 2 shedding dogs. As in, no matter how many times you sweep/mop/vacuum/dust etc there will ALWAYS be some dog hair around. You pet these two and it looks like a cloud rises from their backs. I love my girls, but seriously? I could really live without the shedding.

So, I'm sitting here. Thinking that (hopefully) by this time next week my son will be here. Well, maybe not HERE (he may have to spend time in the NICU, which will inspire a whole slew of new posts, I'm sure) but at least out of my body and existing as his own person. Not that he isn't already, he has an attitude! And a sense of humor...as was proven by the jostling and pain he caused me at the function we had to be at last night. He was calm all day long, but just when I have to be pleasant, sociable, and pay attention to ceremony at this function I'm in an internal battle of wills with him...him wanting to "play" and me wanting him to stop headbutting whatever it is that he's headbutting that is causing me such sharp pains.

The couch is good for now. Maybe I'll try to do laundry, or vacuum, or ...something. But later. Because there is no such thing as perfect. And there is no such thing as completely ready. And I have to learn how to let go...and deal with the fact that all the planning/preparation in the world will not make me feel any more prepared than I do right now.
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2 comments:

  1. Can you believe it's finally here?!! I'm SO happy and excited for you!! I'm with you in the dog hair battle, and we only have one! All your baby really needs is YOU, and he has that! Relax as much as possible now...you need to save your energy! Congrats...I might have to find you on facebook, if you're there, so I can get whatever updates you may be posting! :)

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  2. Yeah Steph, I am excited for you! You will love being a Mom, it has it's up and downs but it's life changlingly awesome in so many ways! I hope all goes well.

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