Wishing...(aka feeling sorry for myself)

I'm sitting here on no sleep at all at 6:00 am wishing that I had more than I do. I'm wishing that I had a normal reproductive system and that, when my husband gets home, I could get pregnant with a healthy baby without medical intervention (and even then, without it being a long shot). I'm wishing that genetics could have been on my side to give any pregnancy could possibly achieve a fighting chance without close monitoring. I'm wishing I didn't have to resort to a couple of drinks to really confront what I'm feeling. And most of all, I'm wishing that people would stop asking "when are you going to have kids" or "how does it feel to go through all of this" because the truth is that it hurts like no reality has ever hurt and there is nothing that anyone can do to make that pain go away. Ugh. I want this nightmare to be over and for the reality of pregnancy being easy and resulting in a healthy, normal baby (or babies) to be the reality.