Thursday, August 20, 2009

Ah, anxiety. You suck.

2 hours of sleep. And about 45 minutes of dozing. This does not bode well for anyone I come into contact today. I told Ben I was going to do some shopping today due to the fact that I need some retail therapy. My RE also wants me to pickup a specific type of OPK, so I have to go 15 minutes out of my way because the only place that carries them is the hospital pharmacy. Great. I also have $10 off at Maurices and possibly Buckle. Not that I always find something at Buckle, but hey, they do have some cute wallets/purses etc. I'm also most definitely not a teenager anymore, but both Buckle and Maurice's has things that fit me way better than anything I can find at Macy's or Dillards and I'm not nearly old enough to wear half of the stuff in Macy's or Dillards anyway.

I hate where I'm at for clothing. At 25 years old, shopping in the Jr's section is just wishful thinking, but the styling in the women's section (for casual clothes at least) isn't really age-appropriate either. I don't need to be dressing like my mother, at least not yet. (Although my mom has started dressing less like the stereotypical mommy and more like the fabulous "29" year old she is). Maybe a trip to Ann Taylor Loft is also in order. Although, at this point, when (if I do get pg) I won't be getting a job, there isn't anything at Ann Taylor Loft that's really appropriate for lounging around the house. ATL is my go to place for work clothes. The more teenage-y stores are my comfy clothes places.

Ok, back on topic. I haven't really had anxiety (not like this, at least) since I was 18 years old, off at college, and having separation anxiety. During that bout with my lovely life-disrupting friend I was either in class, trying to get motivated to finish homework, or sleeping. This go round is much, much uglier. I have no motivation to do anything, although there is plenty of stuff to do around the house. I don't have class or anywhere to be besides Dr's appointments once or twice a week. I'm bored...and tired...but I cannot, for the life of me, sleep. Benedryl doesn't help, a glass of wine doesn't help, reading until my eyes can't stay open doesn't help. The second I snuggle down, I'm awake. How bizarre is that?

Maybe if I go shopping/run errands, then go to the gym, then spend the better part of the afternoon/evening weeding the flower beds I just might be able to sleep longer than 2 hours. Maybe. I'll let you know how far I get. I'm betting some shopping and then couch time, but hopefully I can prove myself wrong.
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