Man I'm lazy lately...

I don't like this. No project work since...January? Ugh. that's too long. Not to mention I'm slacking on the working out front. OK, kind of. I get on the treadmill almost every day, but it's not the same as getting in the gym for Zumba and really sweating it out. Is it horrible that I can't wait for Monkey to get his vaccines so that he can go in childcare at the gym while I work out. It feels selfish just saying it, but there it is. Maybe I'm turning into the Wicked Witch of the West, thinking about myself.

Then again, maybe I'm being more like Glinda, the good witch. Maybe knowing how to get what I need will make me a better mommy (oh hell, I know that's true, but still...sometimes that lovely mommy guilt kicks in and I feel like I should be doing everything for him and if I want something for myself that's wrong). Damn mommy guilt...daddy's don't get that. At least Ben doesn't seem to. He has NO problem coming home, saying hi, and getting on the computer to play games. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve to relax...he totally does. But it would be nice if, instead of waiting for me to ask him to take the baby, he would just come home, change, and take Monkey, no questions asked, no waiting for me to almost have a meltdown before saying "do you want me to take him?"

OK, now that that's done. I need to get my butt off this couch and do something. I was going to take Monkey for a nice long walk, but we're having thunderstorms all day, so that's out. Grrr...stupid mother nature!

7 weeks in and I'm finally tired

Of the screaming. OK, so it's not all the time. Well, in my head it's all the time, but I'm pretty sure that's just me. Maybe...or there's a very maladjusted little person in my brain running around screaming and randomly beating his/her head against my skull. It's a toss up.

Monkey has gotten to the point where sleep is apparently his enemy. Today went something like this: 5:10am...awake. For the 4th time
that night. And this time he's not going back down.

6:00am. We're both asleep on the couch. The clincher? He only stays that way for about an hour. Mommy couldn't be happier. Really. 10:30am...nap time. YAY! He usually stays asleep for at least 3 hours for this nap...plenty of time for me to get household work done and still get a nap in.

WRONG! 12:30pm and he's awake. The next time he goes down is at 2:30...for all of 20 minutes. After that he's awake (OK, he takes 10 minute naps twice, but those don't count) until 8:00pm, when he starts to crash. It takes me one hour and one cold dinner before he's in his crib without waking up 5 minutes after I placed him there.

I can only hope that he does better tonight...prior to the past couple of nights he would wake up twice in the night and be up for the day at 6:00am. Last night he was up 4 times BEFORE he woke up at 5...not a happy mommy.

The worst part? When he goes on these crying jags he REALLY doesn't want Ben to hold him. He wants me, and even then he won't settle. Tonight even swaddling didn't help right away like it usually does. Poor little guy.

Back to real life

The family has gone. It was a wonderful two weeks, but I'm glad to get back to just our little family and our routine. It's like my mother says "I love to see family when they visit, and I love to see them go home again!" I think this is mostly because even though they are family, I still feel the need to entertain when they are here, and two weeks of constantly being "on" is exhausting!

Monkey is doing great, outgrowing clothes almost daily. We have moved him to sleeping in his own room. Granted, he's still sleeping in his car seat (we put it in the crib) but at least he's out of our room. He's now taken to only taking 20 minute cat naps during the day, and has a fairly regular "fussy time" at night, usually sometime between 5pm and 8pm. Luckily he sleeps like a champ at night from about 8 or 8:30pm to between 5am and 6am. And only wakes up twice or so. YAY! That means that I get anywhere from 5-7 hours of sleep a night, even if it is broken up by feedings. So, all is well, everyone is adjusting, and we're all happy!

The Family is Coming! The Family is Coming!

And, of course, the day before they arrive, Monkey decides to stretch his lungs and grow an attitude. Seriously, in 2 hours he drank almost 5oz...compared to the normal 2-3 every 2-3 hours. Great. If he's not eating, he's screaming. The only other thing that calms him is to be held. Which is fine...most of the time. I can't hold him all the time, it's just not possible. But if I put him down he stays calm for maybe 30 minutes, and then the cycle resumes. He was great until about 4pm today, the whole time we were walking around downtown he was a peach. Once we got home, all hell broke loose.

On another note, my parents will be here tomorrow. YAY! Hopefully they will have some ideas if Monkey is still acting up. I seriously think it's a combination of him having a growth spurt (and therefore possibly growing pains), maybe a touch of reflux, gas, and just generally wanting to be held. Still, older and wiser parents (aka my mom and dad and Ben's mom) may have some suggestions that I have not already thought of. I sure hope so...I love Monkey dearly, but mommy can only take so much screaming before she becomes the crazy lady with a crying baby who never gets into real clothes!

And I would do it all again!

Wow...so much has happened. Namely, the new addition to our family and love of our lives, Monkey was born on Wednesday, Feb 2, 2011 at 3:14am. He was 5lbs 4.8oz and 18 inches long.

I went in on Monday, the 31st, for my scheduled induction due to Monkey being IUGR. After checking in, Cervadil was placed at approximately 6pm. By 9pm I was in excruciating pain...not super common with cervadil, but not uncommon either. At 10pm I was given Stadol...and if I can say anything about Stadol, it would be STAY AWAY!!! This stuff made me slur, feel and act drunk, and according to Ben "completely nuts! I remember talking to my mother on the phone, and her and my sister wouldn't let me off the phone because I was too funny! So I went to sleep, until about 3am...then came the second dose of Stadol to get me back to sleep. I woke up at 5am, and they took the Cervadil out. I got a shower, and at 6am I was told that I was 1cm dilated. So they started Pitocin.

Apparently I'm one of the weird people to whom Pitocin does absolutely nothing to. I was joking with Ben and sleeping all day. I didn't feel a single contraction. And that night when they checked me I hadn't dilated at all...so back on the Cervadil I went. By 11pm on Feb 1st I was in so much pain (apparently I was lucky and got to experience back labor and regular contractions. go me) that the Dr decided to give me my epidural and break my waters. On just a few hours of the second dose of Cervadil I had dilated to 3cm. So I got my epidural, and I LOVED IT. I seem to have whited out, because I don't remember much until about 2:30am, but apparently I became chatty Cathy. Oops...totally beyond my control.

At 2:30am on the 2nd, I was at 8cm. That's right, my amazing body dilate 5cm in just a few short hours. I was feeling SO much pressure that all I wanted to do was push. However, they told me to wait because everyone was helping deliver a set of twins down the hall. At 3am the residents, interns, and one attending were there, and it was time to push. At 3:14 after only 3-4 contractions, Monkey was here! Ben was so in love, but later told me that childbirth was one of the grossest things he had ever seen. He gave me a quick kiss and went to check on his son.

I remember no pain after getting the epi, only pressure and the intense need to push. I also remember slight burning right as his head came out, apparently because I tore a little (1st degree tear). After all the pictures were taken and Monkey was taken to the nursery for all the standard newborn stuff, we had to attempt me getting up after an epi. Not fun. I could move my feet, but apparently the epi took more on my left side, and my left leg didn't work...I fell, ripping my IV partially out of my arm. So, about an hour later, we tried again...I was able to walk, go to the restroom, and have the nurse help me clean up.

Then, packed with padding and ice and a clean gown, I was wheeled down to mother/baby, where I spent the next 3 days (I'm counting Wed because he was born so early in the morning that I still had all day to go). While there I developed a fever, nausea, vomiting, diarreah, and chills. Turns out that I got a UTI from my catheter, so that's fun. We also discovered that Monkey does not want to breastfeed. He'll take a bottle like a champ, but straight from the source is a no-go. So Ben and I have decided that I will just pump and give him that in a bottle, and then supplement with formula.

He's absolutely perfect, but a night owl, so we have to work on that!

The waiting continues...

I went in for my amnio yesterday. While it wasn't HORRIBLE, it also wasn't the most pleasant thing in the world. At least Ben made it for the big stick! He drove 1 hour and 10 minutes, was with me for a grand total of maybe 15 minutes, and then drove back to work. He also agreed with me that the Dr. that did it was...less than pleasant. She's the Dr. at that office that I really don't care for. I LOVE the other Dr.

I found it interesting that the site where she inserted the needle was sore the rest of the day...how can such a thin needle cause that much discomfort? Ben was also surprised at just how much fluid they take out. We had to explain to him that there is a lot of fluid in there, and that it would replenish itself within 12 hours.

I got the results of the amnio yesterday afternoon (I felt like I was at the Dr.'s long enough they probably could have run the test and given me the results before I left, but no dice). Monkey's lungs came back as "borderline mature," so now my induction has been moved from Jan 28th (aka tomorrow) to Jan 31st (aka this coming Monday). Dang. I had gotten my mind set with tomorrow as the day to start the process...how on earth am I going to fill 3 more days? I'm going to rot with all this waiting.

So little time & motivation!

It's official. We will be inducing Friday as long as the amnio comes back showing that the baby's lungs are mature. As in, 6 days from now. And even though logistically I know we are ready, I can't shake the feeling that we're not ready. I feel like I should be doing more, preparing more, and have everything perfect. But that's not realistic...perfect is not possible. In fact, I don't think it's possible to be 100% ready for something that will change your life so completely. My answer to my dilemma? Sitting on the couch watching HGTV and messing around on the computer.

I know that no matter how hard I try, my idea of clean/tidy will never be Ben's idea of clean/tidy. I know that no matter how many times I rearrange or stare at the nursery, it will never feel complete because the crib and dresser are STILL not here, and without those I can't put things on the walls (I'm a stickler about centering/measuring how high things are based on furniture, so I have to wait). I know that the blanket I'm making won't be ready...and it wouldn't be ready before his birth no matter what, because it's a birth announcement in the middle. Which means I need his date of birth and weight/length before I can finish it.

I know I will never win the battle against dog hair. I have 2 shedding dogs. As in, no matter how many times you sweep/mop/vacuum/dust etc there will ALWAYS be some dog hair around. You pet these two and it looks like a cloud rises from their backs. I love my girls, but seriously? I could really live without the shedding.

So, I'm sitting here. Thinking that (hopefully) by this time next week my son will be here. Well, maybe not HERE (he may have to spend time in the NICU, which will inspire a whole slew of new posts, I'm sure) but at least out of my body and existing as his own person. Not that he isn't already, he has an attitude! And a sense of humor...as was proven by the jostling and pain he caused me at the function we had to be at last night. He was calm all day long, but just when I have to be pleasant, sociable, and pay attention to ceremony at this function I'm in an internal battle of wills with him...him wanting to "play" and me wanting him to stop headbutting whatever it is that he's headbutting that is causing me such sharp pains.

The couch is good for now. Maybe I'll try to do laundry, or vacuum, or ...something. But later. Because there is no such thing as perfect. And there is no such thing as completely ready. And I have to learn how to let go...and deal with the fact that all the planning/preparation in the world will not make me feel any more prepared than I do right now.